Learning to forgive is the first step to letting go of resentment. When we get hurt and decide not to forgive we are choosing resentment. We pay a high price when we can’t forgive, because it keeps us from moving on and moving forward. Holding on to resentment doesn’t mean they aren’t going to hurt us again. It is our responsibility to learn our boundaries with that person or situation.
If you can put yourself in a position, as an adult, to look back on some of the things that occurred in your childhood and ask yourself, is that something that affects me? Is it something that I had any control over and was it really about me?
Everything other people do is not about us, it’s about them. What you say and what you do may be influenced by other people, but you still have choices.
There’s a lot that goes into working up to forgiveness and a lot of it is self-reflection.
Going back to a section of the serenity prayer: grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (which is everything other people have experienced, are thinking, are doing); the courage to change the things I can (which is everything I can change within myself. My ideas, my beliefs, the way I was raised, the vows that I told myself, the path that I’m on, forgiveness of self and others, my internal perspective); and the wisdom to know the difference. And yet, we want to change other people so we don’t have to look inside and deal with our own stuff.
Holding on to resentment is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die.
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