Transcript From Podcast: A Transgender Journey
Cassie Burton: Today’s guest is on the ultimate self-love journey. His journey is about transition, love, and change. So, join us as we talk openly and honestly about his transgender journey, please welcome Sebastian. You do like to be called Sebs, right?
[00:00:17] Sebastian: Yeah.
[00:00:17] Cassie Burton: Okay.
[00:00:18] So I just want to say I’m so grateful for the opportunity to sit down and have this very open Frank conversation with you around the whole transition journey. I can’t imagine that journey is an easy one. One of the things that really kind of touched me, as I thought about your journey is that it’s like the ultimate self-love journey because you’re being true to you. No matter what other people think, say, or do, you are really being true to you? Kudos to you?
[00:00:50] Sebastian: Thank you.
[00:00:53] Cassie Burton: First off. I just want to make sure that you are comfortable talking about everything and anything
[00:00:58] Sebastian: Absolutely. Yeah. Whatever you have questions about.
[00:01:02] Cassie Burton: Well, I’ve got a lot of them for you, so we’re going to have fun. The first one is, the LBGTQ plus, I’m kind of clueless when it comes to that world. I want to understand it. My whole thing is the curiosity is about understanding the opposite of what I know to be true. So, What are those letters? What do they stand for?
[00:01:23] Sebastian: So in LG, that’s lesbian and gay B being bisexual, BT transgender. Q is just queer, kind of the like umbrella term, basically for anybody. That’s kind of part of the group. And the plus just stands for kind of anybody else that fits on the spectrum outside of being heterosexual.
[00:01:47] So anybody that thinks of themselves as like asexual or pansexual or God there’s. So many terms. I, yeah, I couldn’t even name all of them.
[00:01:58] Cassie Burton: Yeah. And you said a couple and it was like, I don’t even know what that is. There’s so much research I need to do to really put my brain around all of it still.
[00:02:06] Sebastian: Honestly, there’s still some that, like, I have no idea what they technically mean or. Things that I feel like I should probably research more into like non part of the group. I should, I should know a little.
[00:02:16] Cassie Burton: But you’re like, Hey, I’m on my own journey. Let me get through this and then we’ll do something else.
[00:02:24] I originally knew you as a girl Courtney, at what point did you know that you were gay or trans and maybe you identified with gay first and then trans. How old were you? Because I know I’ve talked to a couple of gay young people and, and I’m talking about like teens and twenties, and they knew around five or six.
[00:02:46] Sebastian: Yeah, honestly, I knew like a hundred percent that I liked girls when I was in kindergarten. I had my very first crush on one of my like best friends in kindergarten. And honestly, since then, it’s just been solidified, you know, like I really do like girls I’ve never really had an attraction to guys, anything like that.
[00:03:08] I attempted to date guys like the junior high and middle school awkward phase. And I was like, yeah, this isn’t for me. First time that I came across the word transgender I was, 11 years old. so, I was in, I believe sixth grade, I kind of started looking into it more and more. And by eighth grade I, 100% knew that I was transgender.
[00:03:33] Cassie Burton: Wow. That’s really young.
[00:03:35] Sebastian: Yeah. And I honestly, I think I’m just lucky that I came across some of the words and terms as young as I did. Cause it kind of helped me be a little more openminded to the fact that, something was off, me living as a girl under Courtney. It was so awkward, I don’t even know what, what the word is I’m looking for.
[00:03:57] Cassie Burton: What is that like, knowing that you are boy trapped in a girl’s body and you can’t really tell anybody, at that age, I’m sure you’re worried.
[00:04:06] Sebastian: Yeah. I didn’t end up telling, my parents until. God, I was almost graduated. It was like May of my senior year of high school so, 2013 I ended up telling them. It was really difficult.
[00:04:21] I mean, I got into a pretty low, sad point going into high school because I knew something was off. I kind of knew where I wanted to be in life, but I didn’t really know how to get there or what I needed to actually do. So, I just kind of felt stuck almost. And it was like stuck in, in my own skin. If that makes any sense.
[00:04:48] Cassie Burton: Yes. I could see where that would bring on possibly some depression, because, I would think you are not sure how your family is going to except it or react. However you want to say that, and you being really who, you know you are, and so you kind of just stay trapped in a body that you don’t at all identify with, right?
[00:05:11] Sebastian: Yeah, I was more scared to kind of tell my friends than my family almost because I was like, man, what if they don’t accept me? And then I lose all my friends and the more and more I thought about it, if they wouldn’t accept somebody that’s Transgender, then why would I want to be their friend in the first place?
[00:05:29] So I just kind of had to get into the mindset of you really got to do what makes you happy and you’ll find, people along the way, that really accept you and love you for who you are and not just, you know, what you have or what front you can put on.
[00:05:46] Cassie Burton: Right? You are like 18, you said,
[00:05:49] Sebastian: yeah, I was 18 when I told my mom, parents,
[00:05:52] Cassie Burton: talk to me about how you go about that. Like, what is your process? I know your mom. So, what is your thought process? How long did it take you to get up to that point where you’re like, alright, I got to tell them, I just can’t live this way anymore.
[00:06:08] Sebastian: Honestly, I think it was me like hitting my senior year that I really kind of made a plan basically to like tell my parents, you know, Vanessa, she asked 1,000,001 questions about everything. No matter what it is.
[00:06:23] Cassie Burton: Absolutely.
[00:06:25] Yeah. I basically like the beginning of my senior year, I sat down and made a list of everything that I needed to do, basically like an, a task line. I Thought of every question she could ask figured out an answer for it, like months, months, and months of research. Before I finally said something to her, just so I was prepared, I guess, for all of her questions and God, there were still some that she asked that I was like, that’s a great question. We’ll look it up together.
[00:06:58] Sebastian: I thought I was prepared, and I was not.
[00:07:03] Cassie Burton: I don’t think you can ever be prepared for Vanessa she’s so inquisitive. Like she should be the curious curator. She is the questionater!
[00:07:17]Sebastian: Absolutely.
[00:07:20] Cassie Burton: You tell her, how did you do it? How’d you go about it?
[00:07:25] Sebastian: I finally, just a one day, I think it was just me and her home and I sat down at the kitchen table and I was like, all right, I need to talk to you.
[00:07:34] And she was like, Oh, okay. What do you want to talk about? And we sat down for a second. And finally, I just kind of held my breath and I was like, I’m transgender. Just had to stare at her for a second. And I mean, neither, my mom or my dad had ever been around anything in like the LGBT community. So, she was just kind of like, okay, so what does that mean? Where do we go from here? And just kind of wanted me to explain it to her that, you know. I don’t feel like I am a female in any way, shape or form. I don’t know how I want to word this. So, I guess I unfortunately was just born in the wrong body.
[00:08:11] I honestly feel like everything in my brain, how I think, my mindset is male. Just must go from there, I guess.
[00:08:24] Cassie Burton: Right? and I do think that, because talking to other young people, who are transgender, they do say they have that feeling of it just doesn’t connect. Like it’s not right, basically.
[00:08:39] Sebastian: Yeah. My, my mind and my body don’t quite match up. I feel like they should.
[00:08:45] Cassie Burton: Right. Because I cannot imagine having my female mindset right now and being in a male body. You know, I try to think of it like that. Like what would it be like if it were me right now and I am in a male body, I would not identify with this brain and this mind at all without thought.
[00:09:03] And how maddening that would be, how frustrating, depressing. I can see all the emotion and everything that would come with it. And the fear too, that if you tell someone. They’re going to think you’re crazy.
[00:09:18] Sebastian: Yeah.
[00:09:22] I was like how do you even explain this to somebody? And I looked up a whole bunch of like other people’s kind of like coming out stories and you know, like how they worded things and kind of just slowly found what like fit right. For me to talk to my parents or friends or, you know, other family, you know, I didn’t know.
[00:09:42] It was definitely rough trying to really figure it out and tell everybody
[00:09:49] Cassie Burton: So, you tell your mom, you tell her by herself first.
[00:09:53] Sebastian: Just her first. So, I think what ended up happening, she ended up telling dad, Richard, and then we kind of all three talked about it. I think my dad was a little more like, eh, not really understanding even whenever I was like trying to explain.
[00:10:11] But, I mean, they both came around quicker than I thought they would. Which I mean, now they both are fantastic with pronouns and saying, Sebastian not using my dead name. And it was, it was rough at first. I think I just had to kind of show them that we’re doing this.
[00:10:31] Cassie Burton: This is moving forward.
[00:10:33] Sebastian: Exactly. Like this is what’s happening. I love you guys. I would love your support, but it’s happening regardless kind of thing. Yes. So, it kind of helped them kind of kick on onboard quicker.
[00:10:47] Cassie Burton: I heard you say dead name. Is that how you’d like to reference it?
[00:10:53] Sebastian: That is, yeah.
[00:10:55] Cassie Burton: Yeah. I’m sorry. I used it.
[00:10:57] Sebastian: No, you’re, you’re totally fine. It’s okay. Cause if you would have asked, I would have said it anyway.
[00:11:03] Cassie Burton: Cause my fear is that I offend you in some way and that is absolutely not my intention. So, I think you have the personality where you would go, Cass?
[00:11:13] Sebastian: Yeah. Yeah. I’ll let you know if you say anything. Honestly, I feel like I’m a pretty good person to talk to. I’m open about most of it. Nothing really bugs me or offends me anymore.
[00:11:26] Cassie Burton: You come out at 18 and you are now?
[00:11:28] Sebastian: 25,
[00:11:29] Cassie Burton: 25. So you’ve been on this for quite a few years.
[00:11:32] Sebastian: Been on testosterone since August 19th of 2013. Wow.
[00:11:37] Cassie Burton: I wonder in my head, I go, it can’t be easy. This process cannot be easy, right?
[00:11:44] Sebastian: It was definitely rough to start. So, starting with at least Missouri standards, I’m not sure about other States. I had to go and see a therapist, a specialized therapist and gender dysphoria.
[00:11:59] Is what it’s, like classified as here, which is just basically somebody that specializes in the LGBT community. So, this is like their focus is homosexuality, like gender preferences, anything like that, they focus on. So, I had to talk to him. His name was Michael Henderson, fantastic therapist.
[00:12:21] He was super, super awesome. I talked to him for about six months and then he had to specifically write me a letter to a doctor. So, I could start hormone replacement therapy, which is my testosterone. so yeah, talk to him for a while. Then I had to find a specific doctor that would prescribe the hormones. Because Missouri is a very, conservative state.
[00:12:46] And there are very few doctors that will prescribe hormones. And we ended up going on the Kansas side of it, like right outside of Missouri to this fantastic woman, Dr. Glass. Which she has been nothing but amazing. I met her. I have not had a bad experience like in her doctor’s office with any of her nurses or anything.
[00:13:13] Like she is fantastic, her whole practice was awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Highly recommend her to anybody that’s trying to look into transgender. She prescribed my testosterone. I did my very first shot in her office. One of her nurses did it for me, explained how to do everything. I used to do the ones in my thigh, the intramuscular shots, and I have moved to the, I don’t know the technical name for it, but you put it into your fat instead of your muscles. So it’s a lot shorter of a needle and I do it in my stomach now, which is super awesome because the needle in my thigh was about an inch and a half long compared to the needle in my stomach, which is about less than an inch.
[00:13:54] Cassie Burton: Much more user friendly.
[00:13:57] Sebastian: It makes the application a lot easier. I do it once a week now. I, whenever I very first started, I used to do it once every other week, which I feel like, kind of threw me off a little bit. I kind of miss shots or be a few days late here and there. And then of course, that just screws up all my emotions. And that was always a fun time.
[00:14:18] Cassie Burton: I can’t imagine. Right. Like the estrogen fighting with your testosterone
[00:14:25] Sebastian: I did hormones up until last year, I finally got my hysterectomy last July, it was July 18th. And then we switched up my testosterone shots just a little bit, but I’m still doing them every week. It’s just slightly different amounts since I don’t have the estrogen kind of backpedaling with it.
[00:14:49] Cassie Burton: Right.
[00:14:50] Sebastian: So that made it a lot easier. And I feel like now, whenever I am a couple of days late, like if I, don’t do it all at the same time, or whatever. It’s not as big of a deal because I don’t have that estrogen that’s kind of like, Hey, what are we doing?
[00:15:04] Cassie Burton: something that you’ll have to stay on forever?
[00:15:16] Sebastian: Yeah, I’ll have to stay on it for the rest of my life. I’m in several groups that have, some older guys that transitioned several years back when they were younger, they were in their teens. And, quite a few of them have switched to a gel.
[00:15:31] So it’s literally it’s just like the testosterone gel and they rub it on both of their shoulders every morning. And that is theirs. They don’t ever have to do shots, anything like that. A couple of guys talk about using a patch. That you put it on, you wear it for like three hours and then you take it off.
[00:15:46] And it’s basically the same thing as the gel. so, I could always end up transitioning into, you know, something a little easier than the shots, but honestly, for right now, I’m totally cool with doing the shots for the rest of my life. If this is what I get.
[00:16:02] Cassie Burton: I would be opting for the gel as fast as possible. I’m not a big pain person. So, you will be on that permanently. Is there anything else that, you know, you’ll have to do, forever?
[00:16:13] Sebastian: You don’t necessarily have to, but I know 100% that I’m going to end up getting top surgery and doing the chest reconstruction. I mean, really, other than that, I, I think I I’d be good.
[00:16:24] After the chest surgery, I’m not really looking to do bottom surgery. There’s a whole lot of back and forth with the bottom surgery. So, I don’t know if I ever really want to end up doing that. So, I think I might just be content with doing top surgery and testosterone.
[00:16:40] Cassie Burton: Right. For those of you that might be squeamish, I’m going to ask a personal body part question. So, using the testosterone, does that increase the size of the clitoris?
[00:16:50] Sebastian: Yes, absolutely. Very much so.
[00:16:52] Cassie Burton: Okay. That’s what I wondered if that body part would, the genitalia would just naturally enlarge.
[00:17:00] Sebastian: It enlarges it. Some guys honestly have a good, what’s the word I’m looking for, a really good reaction, I guess, to the testosterone and their clitoris can end up being like a couple inches long.
[00:17:15] Cassie Burton: Wow, that’s pretty cool. I thought, do you have to go through the whole surgery to get the male genitalia? Or can you just, increase the size of the clitoris and it’s just as good.
[00:17:31] Sebastian: Yeah and some guys end up doing what they call pumping. So, it’s basically like, penis enlargers, but it’s a, on a lot smaller scale with like littler suction cups. You can basically pump your clitoris and end up getting it quite long. Some guys have had enough luck that they can use it for penetration.
[00:17:54] Cassie Burton: Holy smokes.
[00:17:55] Sebastian: Wow. I know I’ve kind of investigated that here and there you know, and they say it can make you pretty darn sensitive, cause it’s basically just a suction on you. So, there’s always a chance of like blood blisters, things like that, which kind of has stopped me. Cause I’m like, God damn, that’s a sensitive area.
[00:18:17] I investigated it. And the guys that say, if you do it safely, slowly, like. Everything will basically be okay. Kind of thing.
[00:18:24] Cassie Burton: Right. Don’t go at it like a maniac, right?
[00:18:26] Sebastian: Yeah, exactly. Like you’re not pumping up a bike tire,
[00:18:36] (Laughing)
[00:18:36] Cassie Burton: if you do the chest reconstruction, I would imagine it’s very similar to a breast reduction or mastectomy, in that they’re removing the breast. You’re going to end up with a little bit of a scar.
[00:18:51] Sebastian: Yeah. unfortunately mine are so large that I will have to deal with the whole scar, like across the bottom of them, instead of doing like a lot of guys, they can, if their breasts are smaller, you can do the, Oh, what is it called?
[00:19:05] I think it’s called like a T. Puncture or something along those lines. And it’s like a tiny cross stitch right in between your armpit. And they’re able to like suck all of the fat out that way and just kind of tighten your skin, but unfortunately, mine are a little too big. So I’m going to have to get them cut off and have the scar along the bottom.
[00:19:24] I’ve looked at quite a few surgeons actually around the area. There’s one here in Kansas that I kind of want to get like a consultation and see what that’s all about. I just know it can kind of be expensive and I want to save a little more, just so whenever I do the consultation, I can actually make an appointment and just kind of go from there instead of having to be like, okay, now I’ll have to wait and save up this much and you know, kind of drag it out.
[00:19:50] Cassie Burton: Right. That brings up another question. As you’re talking about surgery and the cost and all that, does your insurance cover some of that? Like your hysterectomy will it cover the hysterectomy?
[00:20:02] Sebastian: Luckily, most of it was covered. right now, since I’m only 25, I’m selling my parents insurance, which was fantastic.
[00:20:12] So basically what one didn’t cover, the other kind of stepped up and covered the majority of it. We did not end up paying very much for my hysterectomy, which was super, super awesome. I’ve looked into some things with their insurance because the job that I’m about to go to, that’s what insurance they offer.
[00:20:30] And I think that I might be able to get quite a bit of it covered through insurance. I just have to, basically get a doctor, I think it’s two doctors approval, almost like their letter of recommendation saying yes, this is, A needed thing. Basically, saying it’s necessary. And then, I think I can get most of it covered.
[00:20:53] Cassie Burton: That would be awesome. Cause I know that must be expensive and there are a lot of people that, that cost keeps them, prohibits them from making the change they want to make.
[00:21:05] Sebastian: On the cheaper end without insurance, it can be upwards of $8,000. Yeah.
[00:21:12] Yeah. And, and luckily, what I was looking into, it looks like I’m going to pay about two grand out of pocket. And, you know, that’s basically everything from me going into surgery till recovery. Yes. It’s probably going to be about 2000 out of pocket.
[00:21:28] Cassie Burton: Oh my gosh. That will be, that’s amazing. Honestly,
[00:21:32] Sebastian: I’m super stoked. I can’t wait.
[00:21:35] Cassie Burton: I know you used to be pet groomer, so I heard you say you’re getting ready to start something new and different.
[00:21:40] Sebastian: Yeah. I’m getting ready to work for, it’s basically just like a warehouse, kind of like what I did at smartware. I don’t know if you remember when I worked there right out of high school. Packaging stuff, loading stuff up on a truck and sending the trucks out. It’s not anything difficult.
[00:21:56] Cassie Burton: Hey, it’s good. And it has insurance during it, during the transition. And you’re still in the transition basically.
[00:22:04] Who do you lean on the most? You got through that with mom and dad, and that was all great. Do you lean on family or friends?
[00:22:11] Sebastian: I mean, I feel like in the beginning, I really leaned on one of my good friends, Abby, and she kind of helped me find and quite a few of like the groups and stuff that I’m in on Facebook. They’re just random, like private groups, I guess, on Facebook, anybody that’s part of the transgender community like FTM instead of the MTF can join and literally just ask questions from a bunch of guys who have experienced it. So that really helped . I’ve only used it a few times for like questions, but it definitely helps whenever I see other people asking questions or thinks like that. And I can just kind of click on the comments and look through and see what everybody has to say about, you know, whatever topics are being brought up.
[00:22:55] Cassie Burton: Yeah. So, do you have, an actual group of people that you connect with and talk about things that really understand or relate to what you’re going through.
[00:23:04] Sebastian: I mean, not really in person, I don’t really have any friends that are trans through like actually meeting them in person. I just have a couple of guys, you know, that I met online through the groups, that’s about it.
[00:23:17] There was one guy kale. Who was really close friends with Abby, actually that helped me through a lot of the beginning stages and kind of helped me get on track to finding out like what therapists and stuff that I needed to go to and what doctors we’re best, like who to contact and talk to, to kind of start.
[00:23:36] Honestly, not really anybody that’s, you know, trans that I talked to in person. more so just kind of leaning on Nikki. My fiancé. She has been fantastic since I’ve met her.
[00:23:47] Cassie Burton: I’m going to get to her, but I’m going to go there a little later. I did kind of want to circle back around to when you were talking about you were more afraid to tell your friends because of that rejection piece. And I just heard you say Abby so was she someone that was a friend before.
[00:24:08] Sebastian: Yeah. Yeah. I met her God, I met her in like middle school. Cause she was pretty close friends with Brandon. She was in his grade. she was kind of family friend for a while. And then she ended up just starting, hanging out with me more. And so, we became close, but yeah, she was, she was a friend pre-transition.
[00:24:28] Cassie Burton: And how was she when you told her, or were you were afraid to tell?
[00:24:31] Sebastian: Well, because I, I could see how open-minded she was, and she was already kind of out as being BI. So she was a part of the community and I felt like it was kind of a good step to tell her first to see how somebody would react that I, that I knew would be okay with it and then kind of move on to people that I wasn’t so sure about.
[00:24:53] Cassie Burton: Right. So, when you did tell your friends, were there any of them, or did you lose any friends and were you surprised by any, any of them that were like, yeah, we kind of, we knew
[00:25:03] Sebastian: Most of them were like, yeah, that doesn’t surprise me. I did lose quite a few friends. whenever I very first told everyone, after I told my parents. One of them my really, really good friend that I, met. Oh, I met him my junior year. So, we were super close friends for the entire junior year, most of my senior year.
[00:25:26] And then when I finally came out to him, his family is a little more religious. I think that they kind of, they pressured him a little bit and suddenly he stop talking to me because it was just kind of out of the blue. It was about a week after I told him that he just deleted me on everything blocked me. And I haven’t heard from him since and that was my closest friend.
[00:25:48] And then outside of that, I mean, some, you know, acquaintances here and there have some negative crap to say, and honestly, I just kinda let it roll off.
[00:25:58] Cassie Burton: Right, right. It’s a shame that more people can’t have an open mind. Now that you’re out and you’re living as a man. Do you have, do you walk around with any fears in the world?
[00:26:12] Sebastian: So, I guess it was a lot harder whenever I very first transitioned because I wasn’t quite passing honestly. Now, when, a stranger sees me in a store or whatever driving, I am not worried. Because I feel like I pass well enough, you know? Would you look at me and ever think like, Oh, that’s a girl.
[00:26:34] Cassie Burton: No
[00:26:34] Sebastian: Exactly, now I’m not worried, but before, like I couldn’t grow any facial hair. I had a lot rounder of a face instead of so like elongated, I definitely had more feminine features. My shoulders weren’t as wide. My hips were definitely wider before transition. Like just little things that were worrisome. Because I can tell that people were kinda like what’s going on here.
[00:27:04] Now, honestly, I don’t worry about it. I can confidently walk into any store, restaurant, whatever, and not have any fears of somebody being like, Oh, that’s a girl or you know anything.
[00:27:18] Cassie Burton: Yeah. Yeah. To me, you’re all, man. There’s no doubt whatsoever.
[00:27:24] So, we talked about support from transgender community where you are in your transition. So the next steps are basically,
[00:27:31] Sebastian: probably just top surgery and then, no more surgeries after that.
[00:27:36] Cassie Burton: Two surgeries for you.
[00:27:38] Sebastian: yeah, I did the, like I said, the hysterectomy last year, July, and then I, I only want to do top surgery. It’s just, there’s too many things that could go wrong, I guess, with bottom surgery. And there’s a very big possibility that you’ll just lose all feeling down there and, I enjoy sex. So that’s not an option.
[00:28:02] Cassie Burton: Let’s talk about Nikki for a little bit. You are engaged. Congratulations, and when did that happen.
[00:28:07] Sebastian: So, oh gosh, she said the official date was hang on one second.
[00:28:12] I just remember seeing it, she has it set as January 20th. Several months.
[00:28:22] Cassie Burton: Wow. Time flies
[00:28:24] Sebastian: Quarantine has ruined everything. I feel like time doesn’t exist anymore. Like months just flew by and I don’t know what’s happening.
[00:28:35] Cassie Burton: Did you, did you get to work at all through any of quarantine?
[00:28:39] Sebastian: They ended up doing furlough for most of the salons through PetSmart, like right. Whenever everything happened. So I was off work for like three months.
[00:28:49] And then they finally slowly started calling people back and getting more here and there. And then I worked for about four weeks and then I ended up leaving PetSmart. I figured I could, take a little break from grooming, do something else for a while.
[00:29:08] And then hopefully the plan is either getting a van and doing mobile grooming at some point in the future, or just going to like a private mom and dad kind of shop like just a little shop, somewhere, not a fan of the corporate side of things. Yeah. They got to do what they gotta do. And I’m not always a fan, so. Right,
[00:29:32] Cassie Burton: right. Yeah. There’s no, there’s a compassion piece missing, I think for human being.
[00:29:37] Sebastian: Oh yeah, absolutely.
[00:29:40] Cassie Burton: Do you guys have a date.
[00:29:41] Sebastian: We don’t have a date yet. Our plan is going to Colorado. We are going to go on a hike. We haven’t picked what trail yet, what we want to do. but we’re going to do a ceremony somewhere in the mountains because we both think Colorado is absolutely beautiful. I just think it would be a blast to just do a little couple day trip and just have kind of me and her and do our own little thing. And then at some point after coming back and do like a reception kind of thing here in Kansas city and actually invite like all the family and stuff.
[00:30:16] Cassie Burton: Right. Do like an after party,
[00:30:18] Sebastian: right? Yeah. Yeah. The ceremonies for us and then everybody can celebrate after. Yeah.
[00:30:24] Cassie Burton: I love that idea. I think that’s great. When you met Nikki you’re a man, so how does that conversation go when you’re like, Oh yeah, by the way,
[00:30:33] Sebastian: luckily I could tell pretty quickly when Nikki, she was super open-minded, we became really close friends after we met, honestly, it was just, you know, platonic at first we just hung out all the time.
[00:30:44] She would come over to my place and we would drive around and just. You know, hang out and do whatever. There was one night that I was just like, you know, what, what if this could be something more? And I decided to just go ahead and tell her early on in our friendship that I was trans just in case it led to anything else.
[00:31:02] And it did, we drove around for like 30 minutes and we had just pulled back up to my house and I basically was like, all right, I have something to tell you, you know, let me know when you’re ready kind of thing. And she was like, yeah, go for it. And I just did basically the same thing I did with my mom and I was like, I’m transgender, but I was like, I don’t know how you feel about that or like what you’re going to say, but whatever it is, let’s get it all out now and go from there. Let’s talk about it.
[00:31:31] Cassie Burton: Oh my gosh. And what did she say?
[00:31:34] Sebastian: Honestly, she was mind blown. She had no idea that I was trans and then she was super, super accepting. I don’t think I could have had a sweeter response from anybody. She was like, you know who you are. Does not matter in that term of gender or sexuality or anything, I just want to hang out with you. You’re an awesome person. Like she was super great about it.
[00:31:59] Cassie Burton: Oh, I love that. That’s awesome. And then it’s just slowly blossomed into something?
[00:32:05] Yeah. We just kind of started hanging out more and more getting flirty. And now here we are.
[00:32:13] Cassie Burton: Okay. So how long did you know Nikki before you got engaged?
[00:32:16] Sebastian: Met her age in March of 2019. Not quite a year before we got engaged.
[00:32:24] Cassie Burton: Oh, that’s fantastic. I love it. And I love that you were friends first before anything. I just think that’s the best.
[00:32:31] Sebastian: Oh, honestly. Yeah. Cause now like she, she is still like my best friend outside of being my partner. Like, I, I love that we can have days or, you know, moments, whatever, where honestly, it doesn’t have to be anything romantic.
[00:32:46] Like sometimes we just hang out and we’re just chilling. Like it doesn’t have to be, you know, always all the time relationship, relationship, relationship, which is super cool.
[00:32:57] Cassie Burton: That is a wonderful, wonderful way to start, having a friendship. And the dreaded question that every engaged and married couple gets is, do you want to have kids or when are you going to have kids?
[00:33:09] Sebastian: We do not actually, honestly, with how small Nikki is a pregnancy would really dwindle down her health. if we ever did anything with kids, it would be, he like years, years down the road. And we have talked about like adopting older children in the foster system. So like the 16, 17 year old that are just going to age out and not actually ever have, you know, to give them a home base.
[00:33:37] Yeah. we just kinda, if we do anything, which we might not, but if we ended up doing anything, that would be it.
[00:33:45] Cassie Burton: And that’s, that’s interesting. I feel like there is a trend around your age group that. We’re leaning towards not having kids.
[00:33:55] Sebastian: Oh yeah, absolutely.
[00:33:57] Cassie Burton: Or adopting, and I think that’s fantastic. I think it’s awesome.
[00:34:00] Sebastian: I love that people are adopting more and more. And I honestly, I hope that we could just have every kid in the foster system somehow figure out either a home base. Or an actual safe place outside of some of these credit foster homes. I know that there are awesome foster parents. Some of my friends are friends with people that do like fostering for smaller kids or even like young adults.
[00:34:27] And I think that is fantastic. That is super, super cool. But I just, I hope that my generation is the one that kind of kicks it into gear with adopting, instead of feeling the need to like have your own biological kid.
[00:34:41] Cassie Burton: Right. Right. I think that’s another societal pressure that is just passes down. This is the way it’s always been this way. It always should be, just have to continue in this pattern, but it’s okay to do something different. And it goes back to, there are so many kids in foster care and yes, there are ton of wonderful foster care parents and homes out there and group homes. However, there are still those that are suffering and struggling and running away from foster home. I think that’s fantastic. Nice. Staying outside the box all the way.
[00:35:25] Sebastian: We don’t want to add anything else into this shit show that is the U S right now
[00:35:30] Cassie Burton: The US? It’s the whole world.
[00:35:36] Sebastian: I’m like, what the heck is going on.
[00:35:40] Yeah, we figure if we end up do doing anything that, you know, why not help some kids along the way and give some kids that don’t have anything, either a home or kind of a start in life, you know?
[00:35:52] Cassie Burton: And I think it always just goes back to the, the love and the. The feeling loved and wanted and cared for.
[00:35:59] Sebastian: Right, right.
[00:36:01] Yeah. It just, it just sucks whenever they just age out of the foster system. Cause like, I couldn’t imagine not being able to just call my mom one day, just cause I’m feeling down or, you know, I don’t know what to do or even, you know, calling like you or Kelli or anybody like you need kind of that like family base and people to kind of rely on cause. Once you’re like out of foster system, that’s just kind of it. And that sucks. Now you’re on your own, you’re 18, right, good luck.
[00:36:34] Cassie Burton: I need to connect with you about if you know, people that are fostering. Cause I, I would love to have a conversation because foster is,
[00:36:43] Sebastian: I’m sure it can get you in contact with some people.
[00:36:45] Cassie Burton: Yeah, that would be fantastic. I would love that. I want to wrap with a huge thank you for coming on and being open and sharing all things with me.
[00:36:56] That you are on the journey that is true to you is just huge self-love. And it’s such a wonderful message. That is the reason I had to talk to you because there are so many people that are heterosexual and struggle with self-love and really being true to who they are and making promises to themselves and keeping them. And your journey is just amazing, your life is amazing. You’re amazing human being, and I love your spirit. Laughter every time I’m around you, I laugh and have a great time. The love is real. I love
[00:37:32] Sebastian: oh, I love you. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. I’m glad that I can actually talk to you. You know, is there anything else that you’ve been curious about? Oh, these years,
[00:37:42] I was just wondering, you know, I have heard so many times that most gay people know they are gay around five or six.
[00:37:50] Yeah. And I mean, what’s kindergarten, that’s like five or six, right? Yeah, so, I mean, yeah. I honestly like, I’ve never really felt that attraction to men. It just, I don’t know. Girls are just too pretty.
[00:38:08] Cassie Burton: There is something wonderful about a woman.
[00:38:13] I end my conversations with the final five. First one is What’s your favorite word?
[00:38:21] Sebastian: my favorite word is probably. Moist
[00:38:25] just because it has always killed my mom. So, when I was younger, I would say it constantly because she hates it. And it just slowly became like my actual favorite word. I just think it sounds so funny, moist,
[00:38:41] Cassie Burton: there were so many people that hate that word. I know. It’s crazy. they’re listening. It’s not your favorite word. Sorry, not sorry.
[00:38:54] So what turns you off?
[00:38:56] Sebastian: Smells if somebody smells gross, I’m automatically not having it, don’t want to be around them. Every day I make sure to spray cologne every morning, deodorant every morning, brush my teeth. Like I cannot do bad smells like at all.
[00:39:17] Cassie Burton: what sound or noise do you love?
[00:39:21] Sebastian: A cat’s purr. Yeah, whenever I just cuddle with my cat. the reason that I adopted him is because he purrs so loud when he was a kitten, he literally sounded like a motorboat. Like as soon as you touched him, he would just start like, yeah, just as loud as possible. He’s gotten a little bit quieter, the older that he’s gotten, but still every time I cuddle with him, he just it’s calming.
[00:39:52] Cassie Burton: I love that one. Okay. This one’s dangerous, but what’s your favorite curse word?
[00:40:00] Sebastian: Fuck. Absolutely. You can use it in any sentence.
[00:40:10] Cassie Burton: Yeah. Yeah. I would imagine if I asked Vanessa that would be her favorite
[00:40:13] Sebastian: it’s gotta be
[00:40:16] Cassie Burton: I think you’ve kind of answered this earlier, but what profession, other than the one you’re doing now, would you like to attempt?
[00:40:26] Sebastian: So, I mean, if we’re going outside of, other than grooming, honestly, I would want to be a truck driver.
[00:40:33] I think it would be super awesome to do like state to state, semi driving. And if I ever eventually get my own truck, then I could just bring Nikki and whatever pet we have at the time, along with us. And we can just. See random things while we’re dropping off or like after any sort of deliveries on the way back home, whatever we can stop and look anywhere. And I love being in the car, driving around, listening to music. Yes. Yes. Super fun. Yes.
[00:40:59] Cassie Burton: And I think I’ve heard of couples doing that. They get older and they’re like, all right, let’s do it. We don’t have kids at home and we’re going to see stuff.
[00:41:11] Sebastian: Right, we can just eventually see all 50 States and try and pick like two or three things in every state that we want to see specifically and kind of go from there.
[00:41:21] Cassie Burton: Yes. I love that. I think that is fantastic well, is there anything that I might have left out that you would love to share that we didn’t talk about?
[00:41:30] Sebastian: No, not really. I mean, nothing that comes to mind. Really? You ask quite a few questions. I think we did good.
[00:41:39] Cassie Burton: It was fun. It was highly informative. And my hope in having you on is that I’m sure there are many other young people that are in the place where you were. As a teenager at 18, maybe even in the beginning stages of transition that this touches them and they to know that you get to the other side of it. And like you said, what I loved was if somebody can’t accept it, those probably aren’t your people anyway.
[00:42:06] Sebastian: Yeah, exactly. You’ve got to learn sometimes.
[00:42:10] It’s, it’s better to just cut ties than to try and hold on to something that really isn’t ever going to be. Cause if you must convince somebody who you are, isn’t a bad thing, then you, you really don’t need them in your life. Right. Absolutely. If it takes any sort of convincing or begging for somebody to just be your friend, then you don’t that.
[00:42:32] Cassie Burton: And then the other piece of it is there are a lot of people like me out there, we’re open, we’re willing to learn. But we don’t know that much about the gay and lesbian world and all that it encompasses.
[00:42:48] Sebastian: Right, right.
[00:42:52] Cassie Burton: And the message is, we are all human. We are just human beings who want love and who want to be loved.
[00:42:59] Thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story and
[00:43:02] And thank you all for joining us. I hope you learned something. Maybe open your mind a little bit, or opened your heart a little bit, and we will talk with you all soon. Thanks so much for joining.
[00:43:12] Stay safe and stay curious.